3 Important Steps to Win in Marriage

Do you take this man/woman to be your wedded husband/wife?  Do you promise to love and cherish each other until the day you die?  Did you forget the vows you spoke to each other?

win in marriage

Let’s face it, as wonderful and amazing as marriage is, it certainly comes with its challenges and struggles.  Typical culture says we should marry for love and happiness but doesn’t teach us how to make that happen with one person forever.

Whether you are newlyweds, “oldlyweds” (yes, that’s a word I just made up), or considering marriage in your future, here are 3 important steps to win in your marriage.

Step #1: To win in marriage, you must GIVE UP YOURSELF DAILY.

If you truly want to know how selfish you are, get married!  There has been no quicker way for me to see how selfish and controlling I am then since I’ve been married to my beautiful bride of 3 years.

Did you know that there were multiple ways to fold laundry?  I certainly didn’t!  And I’ll be honest, I still haven’t mastered the way my wife wants all of our laundry folded.  But I’m willing to keep trying and hope that one day I will get it!

Sure, folding laundry is a simple thing, but what if your spouse always makes the decisions on everything?  Give up yourself daily.

What if he/she won’t let you pick our the new furniture?  Give up yourself daily.  What if he/she doesn’t think you should invest that money in the stock market?  Give up yourself daily.

Notice, I’m not saying “give in” or only “give up”.  Simply, place your desires on pause and listen to your spouse’s thoughts and concerns.  You are a team.  For life.

Step #2: To win in marriage, you must GET OVER HURTS QUICKLY.

Let me preface this step by disclaiming I am not referring to abuse, infidelity, or otherwise potentially detrimental hurts.  What I am referring to are those little quips and things that spouses do to each other all the time.

If your spouse said something hurtful to you, figure out how to get over it quickly.  Take it to God in prayer, and then approach your spouse about it.

Some of the best times my wife and I have are when we decide to forgive each other quickly when we’ve been wronged.  We know that deep down, we love each other and always want the best, but we are human.  We will say and do things that hurt each other.

Do you want to know my secret to forgiving my wife quickly?  I have to physically take a time out for at least 20 minutes.  Yep, that’s it.

I have found that when I go to another room for at least 20 minutes and don’t try to solve the hurt or stew over it, I physically calm down and find it easier to forgive.

Step #3: To win in marriage, you must GO THE EXTRA MILE.

If you want to win in marriage, go the extra mile every time.  I know it’s hard.  I know you’d rather not, but it’s worth it!

Recently my wife celebrated her birthday, and I did my best to go the extra mile in every way.  I treated her to little gifts every day.  I had some of her favorite vegan foods catered to our house.  I gathered her family to celebrate and play games together.  And we went ice skating too!

Am I exhausted from all of that?  You’d better believe it!  I can only imagine what I’ll be feeling one day when we have kids and I’m trying to plan a birthday celebration for her too.  Whew!

Would I change anything for the way she has felt so special this birthday? Not a chance!

So, go the extra mile for your spouse.  Keep learning what makes them feel loved and respected.  Find out how they feel special, and do that for them!  You will never regret it!

Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed.  If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. -Ecclesiastes 4:9-10a NLT


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